Know my Anxious Thoughts
Nearness and Power in Psalm 139
In the end of Psalm 139, David asks the Lord to search him and know him. In the New Living Translation:
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (vv. 23–24)
There is something that strikes me in this Psalm’s closing statement. David needs God to know his anxious thoughts. What does anxiety have to do with this Psalm? I don’t read this Psalm and think at first that it is a Psalm about anxiety. What is David laying his anxiety against?
David embraces both God’s immanence and his transcendence in this Psalm. The Psalmist describes God’s immanence — God’s nearness — in phrases like,
You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. (v. 5)
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. (v. 6)
When I wake up, you are still with me! (v. 18)
David knows God to be very close — His presence, his hand, his knitting together; back to his presence again. God’s presence is one of blessing and creative action; it does not flinch to know the depths of David’s soul.
God’s transcendence — that God is infinite and above all things — shows up in phrases like:
You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. (v. 3)
I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there… (vv. 7–10)
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. (v. 16)
Even while God is close — his closeness knows no boundaries. David cannot somehow escape the seeing, hearing, or knowing of the Lord.
In historical theology classes, we talked about the balance of transcendence and immanence. But “balance” is not the right word.
The argument for balance is that at times, people have leaned too far toward one or the other. People have sometimes made too big a deal of God’s power (see Monty Python, “Gosh, we’re all really impressed down here!). At other times people have sworn by God’s intimacy (where God’s main concern is our happiness). But the issue is not that they moved too far in one direction, upsetting the balance. The trouble is that while affirming one, they neglected the other.
In Psalm 139, I see both at play with each other. God’s transcendence is what gives meaning and power to his immanence. His immanence is what gives meaning and power to his transcendence. A God who is everywhere — but not with you — doesn’t mean a whole lot in the end. A god who is with you — but has no real power on the outside world — is an idol.
A citizen residing in a dictatorship may feel their leader is “transcendent”; or above it all. But in reality this is not true, because at the end of the day, it is not impossible for a dictator to lose his head. He may see all things, but he may not see the insurrection gathering steam right under his nose. A dictator’s transcendence can only become meaningful if it can invade every moment of every citizen’s life. It rarely does, except at times through the mediation of the military or so me other force.
The goal of a dictator is to make his transcendence be immanent, to make his or her presence felt in every corner. But in reality, this requires monumental amounts of effort. And in the end what is immanent to the citizen is not the dictator, but only the system he presides over.
Likewise, a God who is with you — but not over every other thing — is a friend, colleague, or acquaintance. We long for and desire these things in our lives: friendship, companionship, camaraderie. Yet while those relationships carry an inward, personal power, they do not have power over the world outside them. Your friendships have precious little effect over people who do not know you.
So in the end, one without the other (a powerless friend; an absent power) cannot be a good God. The good God whom David rests in is a God who has much to do with our inner worlds, and much to do with the universe. To him, no place or heart is foreign.
One could choose the word “and” to describe the relationship between God’s nearness and power. But the relationship is closer, even adjectival: God’s immanent transcendence; his transcendent immanence.
Reading Psalm 139, it becomes harder to parse out the differences. Is David’s inability to find a place to hide from God a symptom of God’s nearness? Or is it a result of God’s sovereignty? Does God see David at home and abroad because God is everywhere all at once? Or is it because God is always present with his people, no matter where they are?
The threads tighten, pulling together mystery and joy. God’s nearness to you does not exclude his nearness to all things. The power God has over the universe is the same power he desires to bring to bear in your small, humble soul.
I wonder if the very gaze of God on David’s anxious thoughts are what will cause them to dissolve. David asks God to know his anxious thoughts because he knows God’s knowing is not merely knowing. If God knows something, he will also bring his power to bear on the thing he knows. God’s intimate knowing and far-reaching power can resolve our anxious thoughts.
